


Are You Brave Enough to Love Me?

by Shadowspeaker



Series: Fixing Season 4 Sterek Style [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: And Courage is her husband, F/M, Fear is a woman, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Nightmares, Stiles and Derek are hung up on each other., This gets sad, but it works out I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 07:22:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2016135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowspeaker/pseuds/Shadowspeaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something at a local bed and breakfast has been taking people two at a time. The pack goes to investigate but what happens when Stiles and Derek are taken? And how will they cope with what they see?</p><p>“Okay" Says Derek. "So I don’t know how we get out of here.”<br/>“Out of this fear or out of this loop where we keep having to live out our nightmares?”<br/>“Both. Either. So you think they’re our fears?”<br/>“I’ve been pretty damn afraid of everything it’s thrown at me this far.”<br/>“Do you think there’s a way out?”<br/>“I can’t think of one. Maybe we have to live through all of our fears before we even get to the creature making this.”</p><p>“I guess moving forward is out best bet.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You Brave Enough to Love Me?

**Author's Note:**

> I missed a week of writing but this story is crazy long so i don't feel bad about it. Let me now what you think as always. I love all of your comments!

“They disappear in pairs and then they show up dead sometime after that.” Stiles is saying.

“So do we have any idea what’s taking people?” Liam asks.

“No. Not even a little bit.”

“We know its magic,” Scott puts in. “Powerful magic. Deaton could tell us that much but other than that…”

“We’re going into this blind.” Lydia finishes for him.

“So we bust in without a plan and hope we don’t die?” Kira asks, and there’s mumbling all around that’s taken as a ‘yeah pretty much.’ It’s not exactly out of the norm for them lets be real.

“So the whole pack’s here because people have been disappearing in twos?” Malia asks.

“Yeah, we’re hoping that the creature can be more easily defeated if there are more people.” Scott tells her. They’ve finally arrived at little abandoned the bed and breakfast. It looks fine on the outside, the worn baby blue paint and white finishing. It looks very cute. It’s the vacancy, the silence and the hollow feeling that makes it ominous. The stillness is what sets it apart from being a cute little cottage, and being the cottage where a witch murders and eats children. Maybe it is a witch…

The electricity is out. Kira can tell as soon as they walk inside. The cottage décor is aged and frilly. It’s funny how those things can be so much scarier just a few shades darker. Stiles’ head snaps to attention, he heard a moan down the hall. He’s about to say something but Derek speaks first.

“There’s someone else here.” The other’s look over at him and they don’t notice Stiles slip down the hall to the right, following the moans.

“Cora!” He hears Derek yell and there’s a commotion that Stiles ignores. He’s stopped at a door and he knows the noise is coming from behind it. It swings open and Stiles feels sick. The sheriff is lying on the plush carpet bleeding from deep flesh wound in his belly. He’s in uniform but you can barely tell through all the thick red blood that’s seeping into the tan fabric. Stiles sees organs he shouldn’t be able to see.

“Dad!” Stiles’ has already got tears in his eyes. He vaguely registers Scott’s voice when he shouts, “Stiles, no don’t!” before the door closes and Scott’s pounds against it futilely. Then he’s in the darkness and it’s silent. He is alone and relief and fear are vying for control of his body. He hears a growl in the darkness and feels claws trace down his neck. It’s gentle, almost a caress but much to predatory.

Fear wins the fight for control and he runs. 

* * *

 

Derek is surrounded by his fears. Cora had been dying and then she had just been gone. Then he had been running as water filled the room. He’d run until he was drowning and he couldn’t stay afloat. Stiles had been there, helping him, like he had been before with the Kanima and then he let him go and this time he didn’t come back. Right before Derek blacks out the water drains away. He’s not even wet. He’s standing in the middle of his loft and it’s quiet. He smells the fire before he sees it. It’s quickly moving around the apartment. He runs to the window thinking he’d rather jump than die in a fire, like the rest of the Hales. He runs to the window and sees Kate crouched on the ledge of the balcony. She smiles at him and then jumps over the edge. Derek pounds at the window and feels the heat start to prick his skin. Pretty soon he’s screaming and he can hear other screaming too. He closes his eyes and doesn’t want to think about who the scream belong to. Soon the scene burns away and Derek is left in the dark again. He’s alert so he hears the music right as it starts to play. He can feel the bile rise in his throat; someone is playing a cello. As much as he doesn’t want to, Derek follows the music to its source. She is playing with her eyes closed, as she was prone to do. She doesn’t falter or open her eyes when she greets him.

“Hello Derek.”

“Paige.” He breathes. She opens her eyes just long enough to look him over. She looks just as he remembers her with beautiful brown eyes and matching rich brown hair. Her skin pale and smooth, she is every bit the girl that he fell in love with. He watches her nimble fingers fly across the strings. Derek tries not to think about she reminds him of Stiles. (Especially since _she_ remind him of _Stiles,_ not the other way around even if he knew her first.) She’s playing Kodaly’s Cello Solo Sonata. He knows this because it had always given her grief. She was a musical prodigy on the cello but she always said she had problems with this piece. She had always said it felt to dark and that she’d not had enough experience with sadness to do it justice. She usually found lighter and happier things to play.

She didn’t seem to have a problem with it now, her fingers strong and sure across the strings. She’s smirking a little and it makes a shiver run down his spine.

“You know, I’d always wanted to go to Julliard.” She doesn’t look at him, doesn’t open her eyes again when she speaks. Derek nods.

“I remember.”

“I had a future, but you took it from me.”

“I know.” Derek can hardly speak past the lump in his throat. “I’m so sorry.” Her bow moves quicker across all of the strings and the music creates a suspense that’s not ironic enough.

“I. don’t. care.” She says each word individually, shapes them and fills them with poisonous contempt before spitting them at Derek. “I want to be alive, Derek.”

“Paige, If I could I would. If there were a way for me to bring you back safely I would move heaven and hell to make it happen. I would trade my life for yours in a heartbeat.” To his shock and horror, she _laughs_ at him.

“So _noble_ dear Derek. If only you could have been like this back then. Back when Ennis attacked me. Back when Peter told you it was the only way.”

“I tried to stop it!” Derek protests.

“At the last minute. You showed me what kind of guy you really were. When I died, I knew I didn’t love you. Not really. Not the man who took my heart, who arranged to have me turned, who took away my life!” She pulls her bow across the strings sharply and they shriek loudly. “I hated you.” Derek’s cheeks are wet, but he’s too in shock to realize that he’s crying.

“I loved you.” He says. Because it’s the only thing he can say and it’s very much true.

“I want to be alive, but that’s never going to happen again.” She opens her eyes and there malice in them that Derek never thought he’d see come from Paige, his dear sweet Paige. “But I also want you dead.” Her eyes go dark and he realizes her skin has gone translucent and he’s looking at her skeleton. “And that can be arranged.” She launches herself at him. Her fingers have grown long into sharpened points and they rake across the front of his chest. She snarls at him and her whole mouth is full of jagged rows of teeth. The cello hasn’t stopped playing and it’s giving a morbid background to the brawl. Paige lets out an ungodly shriek and when he looks back down at her she’s barely human anymore.  She tackles him and he catches her hugging her close to him even though she’s biting at his neck and slashing his arms. It feels like it happens in slow motion. He shifts and raises his clawed hand and hesitates just a moment before plunging his claws into her back. She makes a whimpering sound and Derek finds himself where he’s been before: leaning against the nemeton clutching Paige’s lifeless body. He cries and this scene doesn’t fade fast enough. 

* * *

 

Stiles is breathing heavily after having run from a kanima that was most decidedly not Jackson. He was starting to miss the room with the arcromantulas. He looks around to find that he’s in a parking lot.

“Stiles?” he whips around to find a smirking Peter. He backs up a few steps.

“Did you hear me? I asked if you want to bite.” Peter’s eyes flash red. Stiles shakes his head. This is like that night. The night Lydia is attacked and Peter and Kate die. This was a bad night and somehow, for Stiles, this was the worst part.

“I don’t want it.”

“You’re lying.” Peter says stepping closer and Stiles takes his last step backward and hits the wall.

“I don’t want it.” Stiles repeat vehemently.

“I can heart you heart pounding though. I know you want to be like us. I can hear it. We all know you’re jealous. We think it’s really pathetic actually. Some of them are probably hoping you die from this.” Peter reaches out scraping his claws against Stiles’ shaved head. Stiles is shaking but he’s too weak and Peter is too close for him to get away.

“Please don’t.” Stiles pleads when Peter takes his wrist.

“This is what you want.” Peter tells him and he sinks his teeth into Stiles’ flesh. Stiles screams. The wound bleeds and almost immediately he starts bleeding black. Peter is gone and he’s sitting there alone in the parking lot in absolute agony bleeding black onto the gray concrete. He never wanted the bite and he didn’t get a choice.

“Stiles.” He looks up and the argents are standing in front of him.

“Sorry Stiles. You’re one of them now. Consider this a mercy.” She aims her cross bow at him and pulls the trigger. She never misses.

When Stiles gets up again he’s standing in the black void again. It’s where he ends up after the horrors he’s forced to undergo. There’s a door in front of him. He goes through t and finds himself in his own house. He’s hoping this one won’t be so bad when he hears glass shattering. His dad is sitting at the kitchen table and there are bottles of whiskey all around him. The one clenched in his fist is the only one with alcohol left in it.

“Oh great,” He slurs. “’S youu.” Stiles clambers through the whiskey bottles over to his father.

“Dad I think you’ve had enough.” He reaches out to take the bottle from his hand and his dad jerks away.

“No!” He shouts like a petulant child.

“Dad, please.” He holds up his hands hoping his dad will let him reason with him.

“NO!” his dad snarls. “Get out of here you little bastard! Get out!”

“Dad, what?”

“I can’t handle this anymore.” Stiles goes very very still.

“What are you talking about?” He asks carefully.

“I never wanted a kid. Never wanted you.”

“Dad, you’re drunk.”

“You killed her, your own mother. Drove her insane. Drove her into an early grave.”

“Dad–“ he tried for the bottle again. His dad yanks it away but he doesn’t have a good enough grip on it and it flies and breaks on the wall behind him.

“You killed her. And now it’s just me and you take _everything_ from me. You’re gonna kill me too!” He dad wipes the rest of the bottles off the table and Stiles is up and running. He can’t take this. He runs until he’s in the darkness again. His father’s words echo in his mind. He’s afraid because he doesn’t know if they’re true.

He stumbles into a new scene; he’s in one of the school hallways.

“It’s not because I’m a girl you know.” He spins around to see Lydia casually leaning against the lockers examining her nails.

“What?”

“It’s not because I’m a girl.” She pushes herself upright and walks toward him at a slow and steady pace. The clack of her heels is an ominous sound to Stiles’ ears. “I think I liked you, you know? For a little while anyway. But by then you didn’t want me back.” She scoffs a little. “It’s okay I moved on to bigger and better boys. It was never going to work between us.” She stops crossing her arms over her chest. “But not because I’m a girl.”

“You just don’t know how to take a fucking hint Stilinski.” Danny say coming out of one of the classrooms. “You can swing whichever way you want,” His smile is chilling and sharp. “But that doesn’t mean anyone’s ever going to love you back.” Rude! Stiles only crushed on Danny for part of sophomore year.

“You know,” Derek says from behind him. He walks up with the same pleased swagger he had when he confronted Stiles about the kanima at the pool. “Even if you didn’t aim so far out of you league I still don’t think you’d find someone who could love you.” Hearing it from Derek crushes something in Stiles that Lydia and Danny couldn’t reach.

“Aw sweetie.” Lydia says tilting her head and sticking out her lower lip. There is no sincerity in her voice. “Are you gonna cry?” She mocks.

“You’re going to die alone.”

“So pathetic.”

“How could anyone ever love you?”

Stiles slides down to the floor against the lockers and covers his ears. He can’t even find the strength to run away from this one. He sits with his eyes closed until the angry words go away. He wishes he had never opened his eyes

* * *

 Scott is dead. Derek has killed him.

He didn’t mean to and he doesn’t know how it happened but he’s the alpha again. The pack lies around him dead and dying. Scott, Kira, Lydia, Malia, Isaac, Jackson, Cora and Peter too. Stiles is bloodied but he’s still alive. He’s holding Malia’s body in his arms and he’s crying. Derek doesn’t move fast enough. Stiles picks up a knife and slits his own throat. Derek is left an alpha with no pack surrounded by the bodies of every one he ever loved. He is more and more grateful now each time the blackness sets in around him.

When he looks around again he’s standing on the roof of the hospital. His heart sinks as he looks around. Beacon Hills is in ruin. It looks like something out of an apocalyptic film.  There’s an explosion in the distance but Derek doesn’t hear the mass panic he expects. It’s like there’s no one left to panic. Or maybe like this is the norm.

“Derek?” Derek steels himself before turning around to face Stiles. This Stiles though isn’t wearing a hateful smirk and he’s not in mortal peril. Which is good because he’s already had stiles leave him for dead and watched Stiles die. Twice. But this Stiles he’s looking at Derek the way Derek is looking at him: With fear.

“Stiles?” Stiles walks closer to him.

“Is it really you?”

“Yes.”

“Prove it?”

“How?” Stiles shakes his head a little.

“Maybe if we can stay together when we’re pulled back to the dark void thingy, I’ll believe you’re you.” Derek nods, accepting this plan. He jumps a little when Stiles slides his hand into Derek’s. Derek raises his brows but Stiles just shrugs his shoulders.

“We could get separated again. If you’re real, I’m not letting go.” _I won’t keep doing this by myself,_ goes unsaid. Derek understands though, he really does. He gives Stiles’ hand a reassuring squeeze

They both look as screams tear down the street. Two women and a little boy are running down the street. Behind them is a wolf, a werewolf in beta form runs after them. It’s Scott.

One of the women falls and Scott is getting ready to pounce. There’s a whiz and an arrow appears in Scott’s shoulder. The woman scrambles away. Three more arrows stick into Scott before Stiles see’s who is shooting.

“Oh my god.” Stiles squeezes Derek hand again.

It’s Stiles. Chris Argent is by his side and there is a bow in his hands. He looks emotionless as he aims another arrow at Scott. There’s another growl and another werewolf jumps in front of Scott. The arrow catches him very close to his heart. The wolf rolls over in agony. It’s Derek.

Derek, the real Derek pulls them away from the ledge.

“Stiles this isn’t real okay? That not me I’m right here.”

“Whose fear is this anyway?”

“I don’t know. Beacon Hills in chaos? Could be a mutual nightmare.”

“Have we been seeing the same things?” Stiles asks and the darkness is coming, the Beacon Hills apocalypse is fading.

“No. Or at least I don’t think so. Paige seemed a little too personal.”

“Didn’t think you’d be afraid of spiders anyhow.” Stiles says.

“That’s the worst you’ve seen?” Derek sound spiteful and Stiles sobers.

“Not even close.” They’re in the dark again. Both of them. This is really Derek, thank god.

They’re suddenly standing on nothing. Well it’s like standing on glass except they’ve got to be thousands of feet in the air.

“Oh. My. God.” Stiles throws himself into Derek’s arms and he’s not even a little bit ashamed.

“Fuck.” Derek doesn’t seem as perturbed at Stiles is though. Stiles is shaking like crazy and he’s clinging to Derek for dear life. He’s breathing hard and Derek thinks he might have a panic attack.

“Stiles? Stiles, you need to calm down.”

“I can’t do height’s Derek. Not fucking like this!”

“It’s okay. Do not open your eyes. Just breathe with me.” Stiles is still shaking but he manages to take some deep breaths.

“Come on.” He pulls Stiles until they’re sitting.

“Feels just like solid ground right?” Stiles nods. “Okay so I don’t know how we get out of here.”

“Out of this fear or out of this loop where we keep having to live out our nightmares?”

“Both. Either. So you think they’re our fears?”

“I’ve been pretty damn afraid of everything it’s thrown at me this far.”

“Me too. I didn’t know I could go from being afraid of drowning one moment to being afraid of burning the next.”

“Do you think there’s a way out?”

“I can’t think of one. Maybe we have to live through _all_ of our fears before we even get to the creature making this.”

“Then we’d still have to find the creature.”

“Right.”

“I guess moving forward is out best bet.”

“Do you think if we let go we’ll be separated again?”

“Yes.” His hands hold onto Derek’s arms even tighter. “I’m not willing to risk it. We need to stay together.”

“Agreed.” And then the floor drops out from underneath them and they’re falling. They fall right back into the darkness.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Then forward march good sir.”

There’s electronic music and Stiles moves to go toward it but Derek holds him back.

“If we don’t have the same fears, whose are we heading into now?” Good question.

“Only one way to find out.” They push forward. Stiles is surprised to find himself in the middle of the dance floor at Jungle.

“I don’t think this is my fear.” He says to Derek with a smirk. Only Derek looks just as confused. Stiles tries not to think about the fact that he’s holding hands with Derek in a gay club.

“I don’t–”

“DEREK HALE!” The music cut’s off.

“This one might be mine.” Derek says. Stiles would scoff at the dry humor but he can feel Derek shaking.

The crowd parts and to women walk up to Derek and Stiles. Well one of them walks, the other one angrily stomps up to Derek. Stiles tugs a little on his hand questioningly.

“Laura.” Derek manages to say before she’s in his face.

“What the hell Derek?” Derek flinches a little but other wise doesn’t move. “I can’t believe you! We die and you just let everything go to shit!” She jabs him in the chest and the other woman steps up behind her and pulls her away. Laura storms away. The other woman glowers at Derek.

“She’s right you know. You’re such a disappointment. Kate Argent? You should have known better.”

“Mom–“

“Shut up Derek. You have ruined this land for the Hales. You drove Cora away. You killed my brother. It’s a shame he didn’t return the favor when he rose from his grave. You couldn’t even turn loyal beta could you? You were a terrible alpha. Even Peter was better than you. And on top of that you’re a fucking _fag._ Can’t even replenish all the Hale’s you’ve killed!”

“HEY!” Stiles snaps at her.

“Oh, gonna set your human pet on me? Your weak and you are my greatest disappointment.”

“I’m no one’s pet lady. And if that’s what you honestly think of your son then fucking leave and don’t come back. Derek has done the best with what he’s got. Also who cares if he’s gay? Are you trying to tell me his taste in women was preferable?” Talia snarls at him and Derek pulls Stiles behind him.

“Can’t let go of him huh? Can’t even let go of him to fight for him. You’re weak. Pathetic.”

“Don’t listen to her Derek, that’s not you’re Mom. This is the creature, it’s wants to separate us again because we’re stronger together.” Derek doesn’t let go.

Talia attacks them and when they fall, they’re in the darkness again both of them breathing heavy.

“Are you okay?” Stiles asks. They’ve lain on their backs but they’re both gripping each other’s forearms.

“I’m fine.” He’s not.

“That one isn’t something you should be afraid of.” Stiles says after a moment. “You know no one is going to judge you for liking guys right?”

“I know you guys won’t. I don’t think any of you are strictly straight anyhow.” Stiles laughs.

“Maybe Kira and Malia.” He winces a little. “They would be proud of you though, your family I mean. You had so much shit thrown at you since you were young. I don’t think any of them would blame you for the fire.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Have you ever asked Cora and Peter?”

“No.”

“Maybe you should.”

“And if they do blame me?”

“You operate under the assumption they do. You’d be where you are already. Did you ever used to ask your parents _Would you still love me if I…_?” Stiles asks sitting up and pulling up Derek as well.

“No.”

“I would always play with my dad. We were never that close before my mom died so I would always test him. Once he got kind of annoyed and he put me on his knee and he said, ‘Stiles, I would love you if you were a thief, or a bank robber, or a murderer. I would still love you if you grew horns and wings and caught fire on the hour. I would still love you even if you didn’t love me and you blew up a small country– hell I would still love you if you blew up the planet.’ He was dead serious and I always think about that when I think about family. Derek they were your family, not the kind only held together by DNA, but honest family that you loved and that loved you. You’ve made mistakes but they would love you anyway.” He says the last bit a little forcefully and Derek huffs a laugh and nods.

“Okay. Keep on keepin on then. I hear voices over that way.” He cringes. “Oh god that sounds bad. I know how Lydia feels like all the time now.”

“Except I hear it too. Come on.”

They’re at a wedding. Everything is set up on the beach. Everyone’s arrived but it’s still before the ceremony.

“Lydia! Lydia!” There’s a big gazebo tent and the yelling is coming from inside. They follow it and find Malia in a wedding dress looking pissed as fuck.

“So this one’s yours.” Derek grumbles.

“Lydia you need to find him. We were supposed to start thirty minutes ago.” Malia complains. Derek is waggling his fingers in front of Kira’s face.

“I don’t think they can see us in this one.”

“Okay hon I’ll go look.” Lydia tells Malia.

“Lets follow Lydia.” She walks over to the grooms room and Scotts there pacing.

“Is she mad?” Scott asks her

“Hell yes she’s mad! What is he doing anyway?”

“I don’t know he put the ash line outside of the door.”

“Go get his dad then. Or your mom. I’ll try to calm the bride.” They leave in opposite directions and Stiles opens the door.

“Ash!” Derek says.

“It’s not real to you. Try.” Derek does. He makes stiles step out first though so if it throws him back they can still hang onto each other. He steps through just fine though. Groom Stiles is sitting on the floor with a bottle of jack in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. He’s crying and not in the ‘I’m so happy it’s my wedding day!’ type of way. Stiles steps forward and then hesitates and looks back at Derek.

“Um, do you think–?”

“I won’t look.” Derek says and he doesn’t as Stiles walks forward and leans in to see what stiles is looking at.

It’s a letter. A letter from Stiles to Malia explaining why he can’t marry her. It says he’s in love with someone else and that he just doesn’t think he could ever be happy with her and that she deserves better. He’s holding a picture of him and Derek too. They’ve got their arms over each other’s shoulders. Derek is genuinely smiling at the camera and Stiles is smiling up at Derek.

There’s a knock on the door and John lets himself in.

“Son what are you doing?” Groom Stiles takes a few breaths before answering.

“What if she’s not the one dad?”

“You’ve been dating that girl for five years. If you had doubt, why didn’t you have them before today?”

Stiles looks down at the picture and the letter. He did, he doubted it from day one.

“It’s probably just wedding jitters. Find Scott and tell him I’ll be out in a minute.” His dad nods and leaves. Stiles drops the jack and picks up a big metal bowl and a box of matches. He burns the letter and the picture. He cries and cries and when Scott knocks on the door he pulls himself together and he walks down the isle. Peter walks Malia down the isle and the ceremony begins.

“You have a fear of marriage?” Derek asks as they watch Malia and Stiles exchange rings.

“No, I’d love to get married someday. I’m afraid that I’m going to end up with someone I don’t love.”

“You don’t love Malia? Isn’t she your girlfriend?”

“I love her as a friend. We broke up after the full moon and Liam and Peter. We weren’t in love. We were just lonely.”

“You guys didn’t say anything.” Stiles shrugs: _nobody needed to know._ The Darkness returns as the ‘happy’ couple kiss.

“This thing plays dirty.” Stiles says and Derek nods.

“I know.”

“Do you think we’re close to the end?”

“Only one way to find out right?”

They walk on. This time they are in the abandoned train station Derek used as head quarters for a while.

“Derek.” It’s Isaac and Derek tenses like he knows what Isaac is going to say and he knows it’s going to hurt.

“Why did you turn us?” He doesn’t sound accusatory for once. Derek looks around and Erica and Boyd come out of the train. His heart hurts to even see them.

“You were all overlooked, so special at heart. You deserved the gift.”

“It wasn’t like you said it would be.” Erica say to him crossing her arms and her blonde curls bob.

“I couldn’t change the circumstances we had to work with. I didn’t know how bad it would get. Hunter are an always for werewolves, Kanima was bad but we got through that. Alpha packs are the stuff of legends, and I was not prepared to handle that. I wasn’t prepared to protect you. Everything after that was steadily worse.”

“Excuses.” Boyd says.

“Apologies. I wish my mother or Laura could have been your alpha in my stead. I’m a born beta, a fighter but not a leader. I have good judgment sometimes; I mean I could tell all three of you would make the turn. But I couldn’t lead you. Broken men can’t be leaders; leaders need to be young and whole because it’s the weight of the responsibility that’s supposed to break them into wise old men. I wish I had given Scott the power to begin with. Maybe then you two would have survived.”

“Derek we loved you.” Erica says and that seems to hurt Derek even more.

“I’ve never been accepted anywhere but the pack before.” Boyd tells him.

“I never would have met Erica and Boyd and Scott. I never would have gotten away from my father.” Isaac says.

“Derek,” Stiles pulls on his arm and sees the tears in Derek’s eyes. “Derek why is this a fear?”

“They don’t believe this was my fault. It’s my fault they’re dead. Did I trick them into thinking that was something they wanted? Isaac was my last beta and he left just like Jackson did because all the shit in Beacon Hill messed them up so bad. _I_ caused them that pain.”

“No Derek, No.” Derek looks away from him and Stiles moves to be in his line of sight again. “You offered them the bite and you told them the danger. They made the choice and they did not regret it.”

“But I still fear I deceived them. Offered up the bite on a shiny platter and then dumped them into this shit of a world. It feels like something Peter would do.”

“You are not like you uncle!” Stiles reprimands him. “I saw him however many fears back and you are not him, Derek.”

“He didn’t always used to be this cruel. He was clever and manipulative but never cruel. And then the fire left him unanchored and he changed. That could happen to me. I could change.”

“But you won’t.” Stiles says fiercely. The scene around them is crumbling like dust and Stiles see’s her just for a moment; a woman pale as death, with dirty black hair that covered her eyes. She had a black dress and a sinister smile full of sharp teeth.

“Derek do you see that girl? Do you see her?” The darkness comes to quickly.

“What girl Stiles?”

“I think I saw whatever is keeping us here.” He ponders for a second and then looks up at Derek. “Something about that was different.”

“I think you talked me out of the fear.”

“She chose one that was too weak. Maybe that’s how we get out! We have to face our fears.”

“That’s… That’s not going to be easy.” Stiles thinks about his drunken dad and can’t help but agree. He says nothing for a good long moment and then nods determinedly.

“Onward then. But can we switch hands already?” They do and Stiles stretches his cramped hand. It’s bruised from where Derek clung to him too tightly.

They move on and Stiles wishes he could just turn around and run back into their dark safe haven. They’re in Beacon Hills Hospital. His dad is sitting in the waiting area with his head in his hands.

“Is this my fear or yours?” Derek asks looking a little pale.

“Mine. It’s got to be they alternate.”

“Do you fear dying?”

“No, do you fear me dying?”

“It will have been the third time in this nightmare.” Stiles says nothing but his nails dig into Derek’s fingers.

“Stiles!” John exclaims when he sees his son. “Boy, where have you been?” He gives Derek a look that says he’s getting all the blame. “It doesn’t matter. Melissa she’s,” He stops and closes his eyes like he does when he’s trying not to cry. Then he says the most damning words Stiles ever has and ever will hear: “Frontotemporal dementia.”

If Stiles hadn’t been holding onto Derek he never would have been able to remain standing.

“Stiles, hey don’t forget where we are.” Derek tells him.

“What type what happened why is she here?” Stiles asks his dad.

“She hasn’t been able to walk right. She fell down the stairs here at work and got messed up really badly.”

“Ftd movement disorders.” Stiles says and his dad nods. Stiles is shaking and his eyes fill with tears. This is cruel. Both of his mothers? Both of them taken by the same disease? How could that happen?

“Where is she?” John points him to her room.

“Can you give him some time alone with her?” John asks Derek.

“Derek stays with me.”

“Stiles I don’t think–.”

“He. Stays.” When they go in Melissa is sleeping. She looks so pale and thin. Her curls have gone limp and she’s covered in bruises and cuts. Even in her sleep she’s shaking. She mumbles nonsense under her breath. Stiles chokes out a sob and Derek’s arms come up around him.

“What is this?” Derek asks.

“My mom– Ftd.” He can’t even speak right now.

“Stiles.” He sits him in a chair and lowers himself to be down at his level. “Don’t forget where we are. Come on now tell me what’s not right here.” Stiles wipes his eyes and swallows and then forces himself to look around.

“S-Scott.”

“That’s right. Do you ever think anything could keep him from his mother while she’s like this? The whole fucking pack would be here for you two. And Scott never would have let his mother’s declining health slip his notice. She’s the most important thing to him you know that.”

“Scott gets distracted.”

“Okay, then how about this. The sheriff didn’t say enough. He cares about her as much as you do. He would have told you about every bruise and broken bone the doctors saw fit to mention. He would have told you what treatments they were giving her and most importantly, he would have been in here with her and not out in the hallway.” Stiles breathes short breath and forces them to be longer and longer until he’s stopped crying.

“Shit, Derek I’m sorry. I know it’s not real it’s just–.” He holds a hand out toward Melissa and then drops it and shakes his head.

“She’s your mom. I get it. It’s okay.” He gets up and goes over to Melissa’s bedside stroking his thumb over the backs of Melissa’s hands. She blink open her eyes. They are cloudy but still full of warmth.

“Stiles.” She says, her voice a whisper. She smiles up at him.

“Hey mom.” A tear rolls down and gets caught on the end of his nose. He wipes it away angrily. She mumbles nothings again and then tries to sit up.

“No, no, no.” Stiles eases her back down. She raises a hand and he takes it.

“Bye.” She says happily.

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Bye.” She says more forcefully.

“Nope. Not today. You can’t. You have Scott and you have me and my dad. You have Raphael even. You can’t”

“Bye.” She says again like she’s trying to make Stiles understand and he hangs his head to cry again. He tries to hold it down but he’s not really succeeding. He nods a little with red eyes and a wet face. “Okay.” He leans down and kisses Melissa on the head and brushes her hair back from her face.

“Good bye.” He breathes out and Melissa smiles and weak smile; barely a rise of her lips. The heart monitor start beeping loudly and the alarm sounds. Stiles buries his face in Derek’s jacket and closes his eyes until they are back in their same darkness. The heart monitor’s alarm is still in Stiles head.

“I saw her.” Derek says once Stiles is calmer.

“What?”

“The pale girl in the black dress. That’s who you saw right?”

“Yeah! But that doesn’t make sense I was still scared as fuck.”

“But you faced your fear anyway.”

“There’s a mirror.” Derek turns around and sure enough. There’s a mirror floating in their blackness. They walk up to it together.

The reflection of Stiles isn’t special but the reflection of Derek has wolf eyes. They glow a bright golden yellow.

“You’re not shifted at all.” Stiles reassures him.

“I like the new look, Derek.” Stiles jumps when Kate walks out of the shadows.

“Kate.” Derek snarls. She laughs at him when he starts shifting. Probably involuntarily. His claws scrape Stiles’ hand but he won’t let go.

“You think you can hurt me? You know you can’t kill me.” She flashes green eyes at Derek. “Thank your uncle for me. I’m a new woman.”

“Still look like a bitch to me.” Derek says.

“That didn’t keep you from me then. Shouldn’t keep you from me now.” She takes a step forward and he takes one back. She laughs again and turns.

“But that’s not why you can’t kill me is it? You were having such anchor problems when you met me. I was you anchor wasn’t I?” She smiles at Derek like he’s an amusing pet. She walks closer to him and he can’t step back anymore, he stays rooted to the spot. “I still am.” She whispers at him and she cackles again. “Poor little Derek, never lets anyone in. Well not anyone who doesn’t want to kill you and yours. What was her name? Jennifer? Except not really right? Her real name was Julia. How does it feel to have fucked someone not knowing their name or even what their face really looked like?”

“Shut up Kate.”

“Or what? You’ll kill me? You’ll go unanchored like your uncle?”

“You don’t need to be alive for my hatred of you and what you’ve done to anchor me.”

“You don’t need her to anchor you at all.” Stiles says and Derek nods and slowly retracts his teeth and claws.

“Fine.” Kate scoffs at them. “How are you going to fare then when you’re human?” The Derek in the mirror looses his glowing eyes. “When there’s nothing special about you anymore. When half of everything you are just fades away.” Derek is breathing heavily. He looks at Stiles and closes his eyes.

“I guess I’ll get to find out won’t I?” Kate smirks but she’s already fading away and so is the mirror. This time they both see the girl. Stiles want’s to yell something like ‘Bring it on! Is that the best you’ve got?’ but he’s really dreading what’s to come.

They are back in the Stilinski house now. An older version of Stiles walks down the stairs, talking on the phone.

“Yeah dad… Yeah… Okay, Okay!... I will…. Love you too… Bye.” He hangs up and passes into the living room. He knocks over a few books on the coffee table. One of them spits up a bunch of pictures. He gathers them all up. On top of the pile is a picture of Claudia. Older Stiles stares at it for a minute with his brow furrowed and then shrugs and tosses the photos back on the table and heads for the back yard.

“He didn’t recognize her.”

“Who?”

“Mom.” The fear hasn’t faded yet and he hurries to follow the other Stiles dragging Derek behind him. He stops dead in the backyard. Everything mom ever planted is dead.

In real life Stiles has only managed to keep the rose bushes and the rosemary alive just barely. The roses were Claudia’s favorite. She’d planted them when they got the house because roses meant love and her home would always have love. That’s what she had always said. The rosemary she planted when she found out about her decaying state, she had made stiles help her plant them. She told him that poppies meant remembrance.

He works so hard to keep them alive for her and staring at the empty yard it makes him hurt more than anything. He doesn’t remember his mother. He’s moved on and he’s forgotten her. How could he do that?

“Stiles?”

“My mom, she uh, she liked gardening. I tried really hard to keep everything going for her.”

“Stiles you’re not going to forget her.”

“How do you know?”

“Before today, before all my fears involved the dead coming to yell at me, I forgot my mothers voice. Her face had started to fade, I never had photographs to remind me of her, they all burned in the fire. Seven years with out her and she was fading. It’s the same for a lot of them. But I do remember things. I remember my mom when I sleep in because she would be the one to come and coax me out of bed. I remember my sister holding me when I cried. I remember the little ones trying to tackle me and me falling for their benefit. They are a part of me and they can’t be removed. The details fade; it’s a painful reality. But I won’t forget how they fit into my heart. When they mean that much you just– you can’t.”

“I’ve never heard you talk this much Sourwolf.” Derek punches him in the arm. Stiles looks around the dead yard and nods. It fades into black. They see her again.

They are in a graveyard.

Stiles looks to the right and he see _Talia Hale_ etched onto one of the tombstones. He looks down the row and sees that there is only one grave that has flowers on it. He can’t see the name.

“I won’t look.” He tells Derek. Only seems fair after the wedding scene. Derek nods: _Thank you._ They walk down the line and Stiles catches some familiar names on the headstones: _Malia Tate, Lydia Martin, Kira Yukimura_. He stops looking after _Scott McCall_.

Derek spares a glance at Stiles to make sure he’s not looking as he approaches the grave with the flowers.

_Stiles Stilinski_

Derek exhales sharply and then pulls Stiles away from the grave (his grave…) and back down the rows. The blackness returns. They don’t see the girl. Stiles doesn’t mention it.

“Stiles!” Stiles swivels around to look at Derek but Derek looks just as confused. That had been Derek’s voice he’s sure of it.

They’re in the preserve. The whole pack is there. Stiles doesn’t know the wolves they’re fighting. Stiles has a sword in his hand and he’s doing all he can to help. A wolf sneaks up on him anyway.

“Stiles!” Scott yells this time.  He’s fighting off two betas though. He can’t help. But Derek is moving fast through the fray and he gets right behind stiles as the wolf claws at him. The claws sink into Derek’s flesh and the wolf tears out his throat. The wolf is an alpha.

“Derek!” The Stiles in the scene is cradling Derek’s head.

“Oh my god.” Stiles looks like he’s going to be sick.

“Hey I’m right here that never happened.” Derek makes Stiles hold his gaze.

“So stupid Sourwolf. You would do that.”

“Of course I would.”

“That’s selfish.”

“I disagree but think what you like. I won’t care so long as you live.”

Stiles sets his head on Derek’s shoulder.

“Your so stupid. Such an idiot. I hate your stupid puppy face.” Stiles murmurs. Then he sighs. “We are so fucked up.”

This scene fades and again they don’t see the girl.

They again are thrown right into the fray of a battle. Peter is snarling and he’s got berserkers behind him.

“Come on Scott lets just make this easier.” He says.

“We’re going to protect him.” Kira says fiercely drawing her Katana

“Have it your way.” He lunges forward and the berserkers follow.

“ I always feared he would try to kill be and be alpha again. Now its just Scott.” Derek tells Stiles as they watch.

“I thought you said he wasn’t evil.”

“I said he didn’t use to be. Now, now I have no idea what kind of man he is and that scares me.”

“What would you do if he did turn on us?”

“Kill him.”

Peter gets Scott and he does the Alpha roar thing. The scene fades and they do see the girl again.

“We’ve got to be getting closer. The windows are getting smaller and we see her more often.”

“You were always such a clever boy Stiles.” Stiles actually manages to hurt Derek his grip gets so tight. The nogitsune in Stiles’ form walks up to them.

“But they go in turns.”

“I feared that we would kill it and it would kill you too.” Derek offers but he doesn’t think this is his fear. Stiles doesn’t either.

“This is your fear.” He says to Stiles. “Quite frankly, I’m offended. I always protected us. Remember when Noshiko confronted us? I wouldn’t let her hurt you, I saved you from all her Oni.”

“You’re a murder. I would have rather have died and everyone else live.” The nogitsune laughs.

“You loved it. What was it you said to that girl? Pretty one by the way. You wouldn’t have found her in Eichen House if it weren’t from me so, you’re welcome. You said you loved the power. You loved the control!”

“No.” Stiles whimpers.

“Yes. And you meant it to, it wasn’t a grand ‘the moon is full and my girlfriend is gonna kill me if I don’t give her an anchor’ speech. You, meant it. You miss me.”

“No.”

“Come on.” The nogitsune pouts. He steps back and then stiles sees the nemeton container where they trapped him. “You want me back.”

“You drove me crazy.” Stiles spits at him.

“You were already crazy!” The nogitsune cries with glee. “You _still_ don’t know what real and what’s real and what’s not.” He laughs and gestures at Derek. “You don’t even think he’s real.” Stiles grips Derek tighter. He looks at his hand to count the fingers.

“Ugh, ten finger, twenty fingers, can read, can’t read, it doesn’t matter.” His humor fades away so instantly it’s chilling. “I can make you see what ever I want.”

“You made me crazy.”

“No Stiles. You were already crazy. I used you to have my own fun, yes.”

“Murdering people!” The nogitsune goes on as if he hadn’t spoken.

“But I never interfered when I didn’t need to. I loved you Stiles.” He walks up to him so they’re almost nose-to-nose. “You loved me too.”

“You’re a liar. I wish you could die, so that I could kill you.” The nogitsune smiles.

“That’s why I love you.” He runs back to stand by his prison. You’re strong and you’re a fighter. So fricken clever. Do you remember our games of chess? You’re the only one who’s ever beaten me. Did you know you’re the first person I’ve possessed that was alive?”

“Lies.”

“It’s true.” He says picking up the nemeton container. “That’s how well we worked together.” He offers Stiles the container. “We can be together again.”

“No.”

“You miss me.”

“I don’t” The nogitsune makes little tutting noises.

“Now who’s the liar?” He grips the lid.

“NO!” Stiles lunges for him and the nogitsune fades away into darkness again.

Alone in the darkness.

He let go of Derek.

“No.” Stiles whimpers. How could he be so stupid? And what happened to Derek? When he looks up the girl is there.

“You’re close.” She says. Her voice is a raspy whisper. It sounds frail and frantic and it sends chills down his spine. He stands up and forces himself to focus. He found Derek once. He can find him again. 

* * *

 

“Shit.” Derek looks around but he can’t see Stiles. He does however see the girl.

“You’re close.” She tells him and Derek wants to flinch away from the sound of her voice. He moves forward.

Almost immediately an arrow catches him in the shoulder. He looks over to see the

Argents, all of them. Alison is the one who shot him, she holds her bow out in front of her. Chris is behind her standing next to Kate both of them with a gun in hands. Gerard is standing off to the side wide his broadsword in hand, and a smile that suggests Christmas has come early. Derek tries to run but Alison buries a few more arrows in him and Chris and Kate manage to get shackles on him. He expects the scene to fade.

It doesn’t. 

* * *

 

Stiles doesn’t actually know where he is. He can hear growling though. He can hear people arguing too.  He peaks around the corner and his stomach drops. Derek is shirtless and chained up to a chain link fence. He spasms and grunts and Stiles knows that the hunter are shocking him. He snarls at them.

“Be quiet, Lobito!” One of them calls. It’s Araya Calavera. She goes back to arguing with Gerard. Fricking Gerard! He should be dead.

Stiles looks back at Derek. He’s got to get him out of there. If the fear is Derek being killed by hunter, then stop Derek from being killed by hunters. He backs away from the door mentally following the cords from the machine Derek was hooked up to. He finds some important looking wires and does his best to fuck them up with a metal bar he finds on the ground. Stiles loves abandoned lairs; there’s always useful stuff lying around.

“Well go find out what wrong Severo! Idiota! Va!” The other Navarro leaves and Stiles steps back up to the door again. Araya is facing away from Stiles and she’s talking to Gerard. He doesn’t see anyone else.

“Chris is out looking for the others.” Gerard assures her. “He and Alison can handle that much.”

So at least Stiles doesn’t have to deal with Alison and Chris. There’s a table of weapons next to the two of them. Stiles finds this highly convenient. He picks up his metal bars and surges forward quickly. No use drawing it out. He heads Araya on the back of the head and thankfully she goes down. Stiles gets tackled by Gerard and his metal bar goes flying. The table gets flipped in their struggle. He hears a roar and something behind him breaking. A shot rings out.

“I didn’t teach you a lesson the first time then.” Gerard drawls. Stiles kicks out at him but Gerard is fucking strong. Stiles arms are flailing for something, anything that will help. He hands close around Stiles’ neck and black spots dance across Stiles’ vision. He’s almost descended into total blackness. He feels something cool under his fingers…

 

* * *

 

Stiles doesn’t see her. Kate is lurking in the shadows watching Araya and Gerard bicker. Derek knows Stiles is there as soon as the electricity stops flowing. He pulls against his cuff, trying to be subtle about it. When Stiles bursts in and attacks Araya Kate pulls of her gun and takes aim. She _smiles_ at Derek. He breaks the cuffs like they’re made of glass.

He jumps in front of Kate as she squeezes the trigger and it catches him in the shoulder. He shifts as he tackles her clawing the gun out of her hands. She kicks him in the stomach and tries to get to her electrified baton. Derek slashes across her abdomen then plunges is hand inside of her chest to rip out her heart. He feels sick but he also feels hot angry inside of him. He drops her heart to the side a little surprised it’s not completely shriveled and blackened.

“Only fair.” He says as he turns around to help the sight he sees stops him short.

 

* * *

 

Stiles’ fingers scrabble at the cool metal. When his hands closes around it he realizes it’s a knife. He doesn’t hesitate before bringing it up and slashing across Gerard’s throat. He gets covered in blood even as he scrambles away to take some good deep breaths.

Derek is staring at him with wide eyes when he looks up. Kate’s body lies behind him and Derek is covered in blood as well.

“Real you?”

“Real me.” They’re both extremely relieved as the scene fades away. The blood and any other traces of their altercation fade as well. They are not in darkness. They are in a theater. It’s like one of those fancy theaters with exquisite architecture done in gold and red, except everything is black, white, and gray. Derek and Stiles are on the stage still crumpled where they were in the scene before. The girl is standing a few feet away from them.

The girl is standing there with wide eyes. She looks tentatively excited, if Stiles had to give it a name. Her hands are clenched in her tattered dress and her eyes are wide, her pale white lips form the barest smile. There is a distorted looking hounds pacing around her legs. Its eyes are pure white. Stiles tries to discretely scoot away from it. She’s looking past them, though.

There’s someone standing at the entrance of the theater.

“What the fuck?” Stiles asks. He doesn’t get up though. He’s too emotionally exhausted for that right now. Derek knows the feeling.

“My Husband.” The woman says. It’s a little pained and Stiles can tell she hasn’t seen him for a very long time.

They watch as he walks closer. Around where he walks the theater regains it’s color. The guy has scarred tan skin; he’s obviously some king of warrior. He’s got long dark blonde hair and while pieces of it are braided his mass of hair mostly hangs loose and wild. He’s got on some high wasted shorts on and boots. There are swords on his belt. He’s giving Stiles some strong Dothraki vibes here. There is a pale brown lion trailing beside him.

He stops at the edge of the isle of seats and looks up at the woman.

“My wife.” He whispers. She huffs out a relive breath and he surges up the stair as she leaps into his arms.

“Oh, my husband my love.”

“Can someone explain what’s going on here?” Derek asks.

“Oh my boys!” The woman jumps away from her husband and covers her mouth like she’s embarrassed.  Behind them the lion and the hound are nuzzling into each other’s necks. Stiles get a look at her all black eyes. They’re quite unnerving.

“I am Fear, and this is my husband Courage.” Stiles looks at Derek and they blink at each other.

“I’m sorry?” Derek asks.

“I see,” Fear nods. “We must be the first of our kind that you’ve met.

“Yeah.” Stiles confirms unnecessarily.

“I’m sorry for what I have put you two through. I truly am, I never chose to be born with the power of fear. I knew you two would be strong enough though. I almost took the alpha and the Kitsune but they are not quite as strong together as you two. I tried with humans but their poor little hearts couldn’t take it. I made sure they were reincarnated well though. I was so relieved when your pack showed up.”

“I’m still not getting it.” Stiles says. “Fear and Courage. Those aren’t things I would put in a relationship.”

“That is our fate. As tragic as our parents and all of our brethren.” Courage says.

“You see Life and Death are the original lovers. But because of their nature they are doomed to fleeting moments with the love of their life.” Fear explains. “We were made in their image. Fear for Courage, Sorrow and Joy, Pride and Loathing.”

“What about love?” Stiles asks.

“Love lives between all of us.” Courage says.

“That is why I needed you.” Fear says. “It’s hard for us to manifest. It’s easier here because of the nemeton’s power. But still I can only see my husband when Fear and courage coincide. We can only interact when fear and courage coincide because of love. You both feared those hunter people, but you were brave enough to fight them, kill them even, when the other was in trouble.” Derek and Stiles avoid each other’s eyes.

“Out time together is short lived.” Courage says. “It will only last a day. I thank you for what you have done. Please know that Courage will never fail you.”

“And that you will always be feared when you wish to be.” Fear leans down and kisses them both on the forehead. “You’re free to go.”

The scene fads and Stiles and Derek are standing outside of the Bed and breakfast.

“Are we free?” Stiles asks.

“I think so.” Derek says. He looks just as wary as Stiles. Stiles huffs a laugh and throws his arms around Derek’s neck. Derek hugs him back.

“That suucked.” Stiles whines against his neck. He worries a little that he’s getting to comfortable in Derek’s arms. He’s not so sure he cares.

“Stiles? Derek?” Scott skids around the corner and breathes a sigh of relief. “Guys! They’re over here! I found them!” They break apart their hug and Derek slips his hand into Stiles. Neither of them is ready to except that they’re free quite yet.

“You guys have almost been gone two days!” Scott yells and then he runs up and gives Stiles a bone-crushing hug. The rest of the pack is with them soon all of them asking questions that go right over Stiles’ head. He’s exhausted.

“Hey guys, they haven’t eaten for a few days. Lets go find a cheap dinner so we can sit them down and they can tell us what happened.” Stiles smiles gratefully at Scott.

“You still have the keys to the jeep.” Scott says and Stiles hands them over. Someone (probably Scott) went and got Melissa’s car. Malia and Lydia take that car and Scott Kira, Stiles and Derek take the Jeep. Stiles and Derek sit in the back together. They know they’re being unusually quiet. Scott and Kira don’t comment. They find a dinner and get a table big enough for the whole pack. Stiles and Derek take out a whole pitcher of water in minutes. They didn’t know they were so thirsty, or so hungry.

The others at least wait until they’ve eaten before they start in on the questions again. Stiles lets Derek explain the whole Fear and Courage thing while he demolishes his own basket of curly fries. He adds details here and there. They both leave out the bit where they’re supposedly in love. They’ve been real good at ignoring that.

“You were trapped in your nightmares for two days?” Kira asks with horror.

“Yup.”

“That’s awful.” Stiles thinks about mentioning that Fear almost took Kira and Scott instead. He doesn’t.

“So what about this?” Lydia asks waving at their joined hands that are resting on the table. Stiles feels his heart start to hammer immediately.

“We were taken separately and we went through a lot of the fear by ourselves. We came together on a mutual fear. If we let go we were separated again.”

“What was the mutual fear?” Malia asks.

“Beacon Hill in Chaos.”

“I was a hunter and wolfs were killing innocent people. I tried to kill Scott.” Stiles says and he starts shaking.

“But you guys are out now. You can let go now right?” Kira asks. Derek and Stiles exchange a look.

“It’s going to have to happen eventually.” Derek says and Stiles nods.

“Only took us one fear to find each other last time anyway.” Stiles is still shaking as him and Derek detangle their fingers.

“Oh my god.” Scotts had shoots out and Stiles jumps but Scott is looking at the bruises on his hand. “Let me see the other one.” Stiles shows him. “Holy shit Derek, what the fuck?”

“They don’t hurt that bad.” Stiles says. “Besides I bruised him up to, he just heals faster than me. I was actually kind of thankful for them. Any damage that happened to us in the visions faded. The bruises never did. It meant Derek was real.”

“You thought he wasn’t?” Kira asks

“We’d seen each other in the visions too. It all felt real while it was happening.” Derek explains.

“Hence the hand holding.” Lydia says and they nod.

“But they’re gone now right?”

“I think so. It sounds like they rarely get to see each other so I don’t think they can manifest in the same spot for too long. Otherwise they’d stay in one place and take people two by two until they found someone brave; to have courage”

“What was the final straw?” Malia asks.

“The hunters took Derek. I knocked out Araya and slit Gerard’s throat.”

“Kate tried to stop it and I ripped out her heart.”

They’re met with utter silence and varying faces of horror. Stiles starts to laugh and he barely feels bad about it.

“It’s just–“ He shrugs. “That was not the worst.”

“Not by far.” Derek agrees. Unsurprisingly the others don’t ask any more questions. Stiles fishes out his phone (he finds it strange he didn’t think about it before) but it’s dead.

“Scott can I borrow your phone?”

“Sure.” He hands it over. Stiles sees he hasn’t text his dad yet and he sends a text.

_We found him, he’s unhurt and he will be home soon. I’ll keep him safe until then._

Then he gets up and Derek stiffens a little. They’d been sitting really close even if they hadn’t been holding hands anymore. Stiles raises his eyebrows: _You okay? I can stay._ Derek blinks: _No it’s fine, go._

“You didn’t tell me you learned to speak eyebrow!” Scott says and Stiles laughs a little and goes outside. He finds the contact he wants under recent calls. The line rings twice before the frantic voice floods the line.

“Scott! What happened? Did you find him?” Her voice is strong and healthy and it brings tears to his eyes. It’s a relief to hear her okay.

“Melissa, it’s Stiles.”

“Oh thank god. Are you okay? Hurt?”

“No, no, I’m just fine. We’re both fine.” He hears her sigh of relief.

“Don’t do that to me! I can’t handle it! I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Yeah, Yeah me too.” He sniffs a little and lets out his breath. “You know I love you right?” He finally asks.

“Of course. Of course and I love you too.” She might be crying to. “Where did this come from Stiles? It sounds like a good-bye.” He flinches at the word and shakes his head even though she can’t see him.

“No good byes. Not for a long, long time. It’s just not something I say to you enough.”

“Okay. Will I be seeing you tonight?”

“Tomorrow, I’ve gotta get some sleep. But will be over first thing in the morning.”

“Okay. I love you Stiles.”

“Love you too mom.” He hangs up and wipes the tears from his face. When he comes back inside and takes his place next to Derek. He see’s some of the tension leech from Derek’s shoulders and he presses their knees together reassuringly. A spider scurries across the table and Stiles sighs and flicks it away. He looks up into Scott’s wide-eyed shocked expression.

“What?”

“Spiders terrify you. You have hardcore arachnophobia!” Scott says.

“I don’t think they can anymore.” Stiles laughs. “You know that scene in the second Harry Potter with the arcromantulas?”

“Yeah?”

“I pretty much lived through that.” Scott stares at him and Lydia shivers.

“How many things did you see before chaos?” Derek asks.

“Lost count. I have a lot of irrational fears.”

“Heights.” Derek smirks.

“That was not okay!”

“I was just fine.”

“Liar. It was thousands of feet in the air! And we _fell_! If I never fly again it will be to soon.”

“If I never swim again it will be too soon.” Stiles raises a brow but nods appreciatively.

“No more flying! No more swimming!”

“No more beach weddings.” Derek smiles into his glass as he sips more water. Stiles laughs deeply and it feels good.

“Do I want to know?” Scott asks.

“Maybe later. Okay, laughing is good, no one has died yet, no one has started spewing hateful things and everyone can see us. I think we’re back, and I’m starting to feel the effects of two days without sleep.” Everyone nods and they pay and file out of their big booth.

“I’m going to drive you home.” Scott says. “Kira’s place is closer to the others, she’s gonna keep the car for tonight.” Stiles nods. He doesn’t bother asking how Scott’s going to get home; he knows he’ll walk.

Stiles and Derek look at each other and then they get into separate cars.

“Beach weddings?” Scott asks a few minutes after they pull away. Stiles barks out a laugh again.

“Yeah that one was mine.”

“You’re afraid of beach weddings?”

“No, I’m afraid of ending up with someone I don’t love.”

“So not Malia?”

“Nope it was Malia.” Scott frowns. “We broke up a week ago.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“It wasn’t a big deal. We aren’t good together. Not the ways couples should be.”

“So it was Malia and your wedding?”

“Yeah, I’d locked myself in my room and written her a letter and everything. Said I was in love with someone else, but I burned it and I married her anyway.”

“Are you?”

“What?”

“In love with someone else?” Stiles nods somberly.

“Courage and Fear they said that they can only touch where they can manifest, where fear and courage coincide, if the pair is courageous because of love. Without that last bit they can only see each other.”

“Well, did you see them touch?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to love him because of them I mean maybe it doesn’t have to be romantic love.”

“But I do care about Derek. I was holding a picture of us with that letter on my wedding day. So many of my fears we’re losing him. Or him hating me, or just not loving me back.”

“Well, he obviously feels the same way.”

“Like you said. It doesn’t have to be romantic love.” They lapse back into silence. Scott sees Stiles home and John chews them both out for what happened before crushing his son into a hug. Scott goes home.

“Oh son, what the hell were you thinking?” _I thought you were dying._ He shrugs instead.

“Alright well are you okay now?” Stiles nods but he walks into the kitchen and pours out their whiskey. There was only half a bottle anyway. He takes the bottle to the trash outside. The roses are wilting.

“I’m going to bed, dad.”

“Alright son, I love you.”

“Love you too. I’m going over to Scott’s in the morning.”

“That’s alright I’ve got me an early shift.”

“Alright.”

He goes up to bed. He doesn’t sleep 

* * *

 

Derek walks into his loft and it’s too freaking quiet. Like the darkness. He turns on all the lights. He pulls out his phone. It’s only eight thirty. He thinks she’ll answer.

“Derek?”

“Hi Cora.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Derek.” He explains about Fear and Courage.

“I’m sorry Derek.”

“I just wanted to hear you, you know alive.”

“I get it.”

“Cora there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay?”

“I was sleeping with Kate Argent.”

“What!”

“I was sleeping with her before she set the fire.” His voice wavers. She’s quiet.

“I’m so sorry Cora.”

“Shut _up._ ” He does and he hears her sigh. “I didn’t mean to snap. I just– that woman disgusts me like no other. How could she use you like that?”

“What?”

“She used you, ugh and you probably blamed yourself for it all those years.”

“You don’t?”

“No I fucking don’t! That psychotic bitch used you Derek!” She’s crying Derek can hear it. “She took out family from us.””

“I still have you.”

“Yeah.” They’re quiet a moment. “I think it’s time I came home.”

“What?”

“Not because of what you told me. I’ve been thinking this for a while.”

“You’ll always have a place here with me then.” He hears her chuckle.

“I know.” They hang up and Derek feels better but then there’s nothing again. Nothing to take is mind off of all the horrors. He’s out the door before he can think better of it.

* * *

 Stiles’ phone buzz and winces at the brightness.

 **_Derek:_ ** _Are you awake?_

 **_Stiles:_ ** _What do you think?_

 **_Derek:_ ** _Open the window?_

Stiles laughs. He knows Derek is being polite but it makes him happy that he’s here. He wants him here.

“Sir hale, sir hale, I’ve no hair to let down.” He says into the night. He can’t see Derek but he knows he’s there and he knows he can hear him. Derek walks out so Stiles can see him.

“Oh dear Stilinski,” Derek says playing along. Stiles has to strain to hear the words but they get to him just fine. “You’ve no hair because you’re not a princess, you’re a clown.” Stiles chuckles.

“Get up here already.” Stiles walks away from the window and then Derek’s climbing in the next minute.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Stiles asks. Derek huffs a laughs, because yeah, that’s a stupid question.

“How are you holding up?” Derek asks instead.

“I keep checking things.” Stiles admits. “Making sure that the visions don’t have any truth here.” Derek looks at the light on Stiles’ nightstand.

“I keep thinking it’s gonna fade too.”

“Maybe together we can get some sleep.” Stiles nods at Derek to get up so he can get under the covers. Derek hesitates just a moment before he steps out of his shoes and sheds his jacket. He steps toward the bed.

“Dude nobody sleep in jeans.” Derek rolls his eyes, sheds his jeans and gets into bed. They’re lying facing each other and the bed really isn’t that big. It should be uncomfortable but it’s not. Stiles’ eyes start to droop. Derek reaches out and intertwines their fingers. Stiles lets out a happy sigh and Derek smiles because he must be more asleep than he thought. Sleep consumes them quickly. Derek is gone when Stiles wakes up.

That’s how it works for a while. Derek stays over about once a week. They text sometimes but they try to let things go back to normal. Before The Incident normal. And yes, The Incident. Capital T capital I. Those two days changed a lot of things, but everything is staying maddeningly the same. They keep getting triggered and know one understands. There was the one time they were at the mall and they passed a music store where cello music was pouring out of the door and it rooted Derek to the spot. The others tried to pull him away but Stiles knew he wouldn’t move. He went inside and asked them to turn it off for just a few minutes. They did and he sat Derek down and talked him down. (‘Come on Derek, even when Peter told the story she loved you. It wasn’t your fault she rejected the bite.’) Stiles drags Derek to Jungle one night much to the pleasure of the rest of the pack. Danny is there and since they’re both on edge it helps them relax. It doesn’t make any sense, at least not to anyone but them.

Then one of Claudia’s rosebushes died. Stiles had sat on his back porch for a day before his dad called Scott and Scott called Derek. Derek walked into they’re backyard looked around and then walked back out. When he came back an hour later he walked right up to Stiles and said, “Get up.” Stiles looked at him confused but Derek was dragging him up and around the front to his car. He’d brought potted roses and fresh dirt to plant them. They planted them and when they were done Derek looked up at him and said, “You won’t forget her.”

“I know.” Stiles replied. “Derek?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

And that’s how it went for about a month and a half. But Stiles is back to sleeping with the light off again and its time he talked to Derek. He’s watching a movie the next time Derek crawls through the window. Derek finishes his movie with him and then they get ready for bed. They always start lying facing each other and Stiles looks at Derek across his pillow.

“Derek?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think about what they said?” Derek takes his time answering. This is something they never talk about.

“I do.” There’s a silence. It’s weird because it’s actually been a while since a silence between them was uncomfortable.

“Do you love me?” Stiles asks and blinks. Well, he hadn’t meant to be that blunt. Maybe this is Courage’s doing. He looks at Derek who is a hopeful kind of serious.

“I do.” Stiles leans in and pecks Derek on the lips and rests their heads together.

“I love you too.” Derek snakes an arm around Stiles’ waist and Stiles tucks his head under Derek’s neck. They don’t push for anything more right then. They’ll be time enough for that later.

And there is. They go on actually dates and text and talk and fall into bed for things more exciting than sleeping. They don’t say anything to anyone, because why would they need to? John figures it out first. Walking into his son’s room one morning a finding them asleep in each other’s arms, well that’d do the trick.

He’d like to say the pack takes it in stride. But when Derek gives Stiles a greeting kiss at the next pack meeting, there are shocked faces and cries of disbelief and deeply personal questions. For supernatural creatures, they weren’t the most astute being in the world.

“How did you not tell me?!” Scott demands.

“I really thought it’d be obvious.”

“They’re always together and they always smell like each other.” Liam says. It’s funny that he was the most astute one.

“I thought it was a given after the hand holding thing.” Lydia says eying their linked hands. Make Liam second most astute then. It was a habit they never really broke. The bruises may have faded but Derek’s touch still makes him feel real. So

In hindsight everyone agrees it was blaringly obvious. Naturally.

Stiles is happier than he’s ever been. Derek is too. Cora came home a week ago and she’s been staying at the loft.  There’s a lot of room for her there seeing as Derek sleeps at Stiles’ almost everyday. Some days are bad, most of them are good.

One night Derek wakes up from a fire filled nightmare. His terror fades away as Stiles runs his hands through Derek’s hair.

“Thank you.” Derek says wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him closer.

“What for?”

“Being my anchor.” Stiles chuckles and kisses his forehead.

“You’re my anchor to you know.” As Stiles settles his body next to his, Derek can’t stop thinking about how right that sounds.

 


End file.
